I guess I need to go back a little before I can get to the here & now. I really did not feel joy in my life even though I had every reason to be happy. I had guilt from past mistakes and what I have put my children through & fear for the future. I went from being very dependent, to not needing anyone at all for anything (So I thought). I have believed in God all my life but it wasn’t until some time after my divorce that I really came to know our Lord and savior. And even then I fought what I knew for quite some time. After a lot of searching, I began going to my church, Erie First Assembly, approximately 6 years ago at which time I mainly brought my kids on Wednesday nights while I attended a class. I did not attend the church on Sundays on a regular basis. I really just wanted some stability for my kids. I was fine (This is the part where I was in denial). I asked for a phone number of someone at the church who I could talk to. Once I realized I may need to make some changes in my life I mustered up the courage to make the call.  I spoke with someone who continues to be my mentor today. I actually spoke to her for weeks before I actually went to church and met her. I saw something in her and some of the other women at church. Something I was feeling I needed. They were happy… content….strong, yet compassionate women. Some of these women had careers, others were at home with there kids. Neither lifestyle seeming to be right or wrong, but it was just right for them. Then at the request of my daughter who wanted to attend kid’s church I began attending regularly. I went through a dysfunctional relationship after my divorce before finally realizing what I wanted & didn’t want. I joined the single group to get myself out of the bar scene and for healthy fellowship. After much prayer from my kids & me, God was faithful to the desires of my heart & I met a Christian man who later became my husband & step-father to my children.

I was baptized in water during our dating. At this time I made the conscious adult choice to ask God into my life and attempt to follow his purpose for me. From this time changes began to happen in me. I began to see the need for me to be at home more. Something, I am ashamed to say, that I never really had a desire for.  I began feeling like the best of me was used up at work serving others. I was a Physical Therapist Asst. This was my career. I was defined by it. I was in it for 12 years by which time I had worked hard at establishing a good reputation of being good at what I did. I had my own patient case load. Therapist trusted me to be on my own and most importantly I made good money at it! Then in July of 2006 I was given the opportunity to manage the therapy department while someone was away on maternity leave. I made more money. It would look good on a resume. I could advance. Maybe this is what I needed? In this position I began to get confirmed in my thoughts of the money end of the medical field and how much gray area there is for a treating therapist. I began to be convicted in various areas of my work. I felt I was compromising myself. I began to loose my desire for what I had loved doing. As I attempted to confront some of these issues & try & change the way I was doing things, as suspected, I got resistance.  The tension escalated over the next couple of months. Meanwhile, my husband had lost his job so the extra hours I had to work for the management position was a blessing financially. Maybe this was the time for my husband to get our business off the ground? It was really only a concept… maybe a hobby at most, but we knew there was more. I felt it, he did not. He wasn’t seeing his part as anything more than assisting me when needed in the workshop. He just didn’t feel he was being called to our business at that time. I began to get very frustrated with the situation at hand. Our hopes were lifted with the possibility of a really good job for my husband. This would release me of the burden I have always had of having to carry the health benefits for my family.  My hopes came crashing down with a regret letter from the company.  My husband stood firm in that we were going to be blessed & to keep the faith. I was ready to quite my job due to the stress level. The person who I was covering for decided not to return full time. I was not interested in continuing this management position. At this time I was told I had no choice & was not allowed to return to my prior position. I got on my knees and prayed. I could not take the stress of this position and come home to take care of our family. It was too much for me!   God’s faithfulness showed again when we got a call that the job that we were informed he did not get, he got!  He would start training the following week. I informed my work that my hours needed to change due to having to pick up my daughter at school. I was told that my hours would not be granted. I had to make a choice. It was down to the very day that I would need to leave early & was told I could not. We would just need to go 3 months without insurance. I handed in my resignation & walked out.  The next day we came to find out that his new job granted health insurance benefits on the date of hire.

 That day my life changed!

        I was learning how to have faith. The blessings continued. We were going to be quite strapped financially to say the least. I was working up to 50 hours a week at times. Well someone mentioned I should apply for unemployment. I’m thinking why bother getting my hopes up. I quite, I walked out. You can’t collect for that. Well I prayed about it and decided to go ahead with it. The unemployment office granted me 6 months of unemployment due to my company changing my Job description from when I was hired. My definition of myself began being peeled like an onion. Is there more to me than just being a therapist? I joined a bible study looking for direction. This was the first one I had ever attended. I felt out of my element & uncomfortable to say the least. I panicked and started looking for a job at which time I tore the meniscus in my knee. I felt God saying I needed to stay put for a while. I felt he was telling me that I wasn’t ready yet. I sensed a different plan was coming for me. I pressed on foolishly to which point I ended up needing surgery. Now I was stuck on the couch. Ok, I got the point.  Now what? Me stay home? I’m not good at being a wife & mother.  I ‘m not sure I know how to do that being at home all the time. I know they need me but it’s easier for me to go to work. Then I get a phone call from someone I met at church asking if I would like to attend a different bible study since the other one had ended. I’m thinking “I don’t think those are really for me”. Then she says well the study is on how to be a godly wife & mother. WHAT??!  Do you ever need a 2x4 in the side of the head? I just got one. Ouch!  (here is the obedience part) Sure I’ll go. Here we go again with the peeling of layers, the feeling convicted, and, the longing to do better.  My eyes are opening wider & wider as God molds me like a potter refining all the muck & mud.  This is not a painless process!!!!  It stretches you out of your comfort zone!!!!!  So I took the Bible class & learned a lot. I was humbled really. I had not only become overly INDEPENDENT and selfish but had also lost a lot of the qualities I needed to become a compassionate Mother and a godly Wife that I was being called to be.  The Great thing is that God’s grace covers it all and we get to start over with our eyes fixed on his purpose for us, which I could not see before. Now my husband and I begin discussing the possibility that maybe I am the one who is going to get the business off the ground.  I could see it. I had a vision and a passion for it. I began building things and putting them out on consignment. This was not however paying the bills. So, did I learn the faith thing right away? Oh no, absolutely not. I went back to work. I did it on an “on call basis” which really ended up being a consistent 3 days a week. After months of trying to continue to build the business I felt God was calling me to and working on taking care of a household and the kids, I was getting overwhelmed again. I don’t get it. Women do this all the time????  Well obviously this woman was being called elsewhere and I needed to put one last thing in his hands.   Yes, the ever so burdening FINANCES. I had to let go of that last part of the rope I was holding onto & trying to control and let God and my husband take care of providing for us. I have always taken a part in providing for the family. If you haven’t figured out yet I kind of like having the reigns. I’m still working on that:)

This takes me to where I am now. Doors have opened as have my eyes & I have a more clear view of my gifts and talents. In addition I have realized what defines me and what defines true success. I am there for my kids. Not just in body but truly there for them. I am making a difference and I see the fruits of my labor as well. Not everyone is blessed with that gift in this lifetime.  I am taking a step of faith with this business. I am learning to walk in obedience and wait for direction. When you do that, it is amazing how things fall into place very smoothly and without stress. We had been talking about a website for over a year but I did not feel it was the right time. Then we joined a couples group & sure enough there is someone in the group who used to do web design that offers to teach me how I can do it myself.  It was the right time and I knew it and off we went. That was such a blessing for me.  Every time I needed direction or encouragement, if I would wait, it would come.  Then I start playing around with making jewelry. I feel at peace when I do it and when I am done I am not quite sure how I knew how to do it but I did. Direction…. So I go with it. Now I am still feeling a sense I need to prepare. For what, I don’t know. My unemployment ended a while ago but God has provided. From a short time after my unemployment stopped up until November my husband was able for the first time in a year make his bonuses which were the equivalent of me working. Ok so I just keep preparing. I make jewelry & gifts whenever I can. What happens in December? I get two calls for home shows. My husband’s bonus was short that month and my two shows equal within $5 the difference. My Faith is strengthened to the point now that I just trust it is as it should be and we are taken care of. Ok what is next I ask? Out of the blue we get a random phone call in regards to something we were selling out of the classified. We end up sharing our journey with this gentleman from Canada who ended up being my first website sale (a cross for his daughter). I needed him to call to get Pay pal set up & go through a sale on line. 2 more months pass and I begin wondering, is this business where truly where I am supposed to be? Am I doing it right?  I want to be in the right place doing the right purpose. I just kept feeling like I should prepare. So I continue working on my website and making things. I was selling here and there but nothing too major. After 3 months of working on my website another random call comes in. It was the Gannon Small Business Center, where I took some classes. They want to write an article on our business. I feel it in my heart. God has something planned for us that is beyond our comprehension if we will just follow. I have been blessed with so many opportunities to bless other people or be there for other people that I would not have otherwise been able to do because of time constraints. I was looking for joy in all the wrong places. I found it in helping and being there for others, being still and listening to direction laid on my heart, and having faith. 

Are we rich? Are we successful? According to society standards….no way. In God’s eyes, absolutely!  Bottom line……....for myself, I trusted him and followed his direction and have already been blessed more than I imagined with; purpose, true relationships, and emotional stability.      God is faithful.